I can’t believe it; I’ve actually reached the end.
In 20 days from now, I will officially be done my first of two years of college. I can’t believe that I am almost done; that I am halfway through my schooling experience, and how quickly it has gone by.
Reflecting back on it, I feel it has been a wonderful experience…for the most part.
This last semester has been a bit of a letdown. Now, I don’t think I’m essentially wasting my time, but I feel like we really didn’t do anything. We’ve barely had class (I live in a place that gets lots of snow, so that’s not always the teachers fault), and when we have class, I feel like we don’t do a lot in it. Now, with only 20 days left, they are trying to cram in everything we could have easily done months ago, especially since it’s all at-home learning and assignments.
It really has been a great experience, and I’m very happy that I did this. I fully intend to come back next year and finish what I started, and I hope it is just as great of an experience as this year has been.
One year down, one more to go.
I have one heck of a bruise on my leg from an incident at work, and from this bruise, I figured out what I’ve been struggling with in regards to the idea of a relationship.
Yes, the pain on my leg is gone. It no longer hurts to walk, but even though the pain is missing, there is still damage that is left to heal.
No, I may no longer feel the pain of having my heart broken last year, but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t still damage that needs to heal.
I think the hardest thing I’ve had to admit to myself is that while I may want to be with someone, I am not healed enough to be.
Yes, the pain may be gone, but the bruise remains, and only time knows when that black and blue will fade away.
For now, I have to live with some broken pieces trying to become whole again.
Anyone whom has known me for a significant amount of time could tell you that I was never for organised religion. While it wasn’t that I didn’t believe in God, or any other higher power, I absolutely hated the idea of having to be inside of a place of worship, and praying to a being that I couldn’t see.
After going through some brought-up emotions from the crap with my dad and feeling absolutely rejected by someone I had given a great deal of amount of time and effort to last year, I ended up talking to a therapist, which did me absolutely no good. After that failed attempt to get myself mentally on track again, I decided to secretly follow the pull I was feeling towards God.
This decision has tested me in a great way every single day. I have done a lot (and still am) to change my life around in a way that I feel is best for me. I ended up finding a place and a new aspect to my life that brought me so much peace, and made me feel so loved and wanted in this world, despite what I had been going through. I found God’s love, and realized that really can be all that I need. The rejection I felt brought me to where I feel I belong. I gained so much self-worth through this change, and started to value myself a lot more.
I feel that being single made this transition in my life so much easier. When I started attending Catholic church, I really didn’t speak to anyone about it except whom I was attending with. I was afraid of the ridicule that I would inevitably face (which did eventually happen), and I feel that trying to make this decision while with someone could have caused a lot of tension. Such a major lifestyle change, especially something as big as following a religion or specific denomination, could have easily led to a breakup, and I’m happy that I had no one to take into consideration when I made the positive change for myself.
Now I do not hide this aspect of my life, and while I don’t expect anyone to agree or accept it, I do expect any guy that comes into my life to understand and be respectful of this part of me.
Over the past year I have had the opportunity to add a new location to the places that I have lived, and will be adding one more in just over three months. . After realizing that there wasn’t any good reason for me to stay in the town I was living, I (very quickly) started to look into any options to get me away from there. Not too long before, my mum and her husband had moved to a neighbouring province, so I looked into what I would be able to do with myself there. Within a month I put in my transfer for work, got myself applied and accepted into college, and moved away.
As I have previously mentioned, I am currently finishing up my 1st year of the 2-year Tourism Management program, which wouldn’t have been an option if I hadn’t moved. From this program, which requires 600 hours of co-op (paid, thank goodness), I managed to secure myself a position with a very-well established hotel/resort company at one of their locations in Alberta. I would have never have had this opportunity if I hadn’t made the decision to move a year ago.
Being single allowed me to make these choices for myself with ease. While I could have done all of this while in a relationship, if I had ended up dating someone, I probably would have never decided to take the steps to pursue a career, to move to where I am now and have this wonderful opportunity. I would have had to factor another person into my choice, which wouldn’t have made this transition as easy.
Being single allowed me to focus on my future when it matter most.
As most people do that are single this close to Valentine’s day, I spent a couple of days wondering why I can’t find someone who wants to be with me. I did the “If I was more attractive…” “Maybe if I spent more time doing my hair and makeup…” “Maybe if….” etc, etc, etc. After a lot of time feeling bitter, I decided to look at this time with a positive perspective. I’ve been single for almost four years (I don’t count the guy I was spending time with or the week-long relationship as “relationships”), and over this time I’ve been able to make a lot of changes in my life that I feel wouldn’t have happened (or as easily) if I had someone to factor into my decisions.
So, for the next week, I am going to list the top major changes in my life that have led to what I feel is a better me and a better life, and how being single has made them happen.
*I meant to post this yesterday, but work took up a lot of time.
After my friend sent me a like describing another’s “book jar”, and seeing others online, I decided to make my own with a slight twist on the concept.
I figured out that I needed two jars for my idea. The one on the left has the names of the books that I currently own and have not read-this jar is acting as my “To Be Read” list. Now, the one on the right is the TBR list of books that I currently do not own. As I finish a book I do have in my collection, I am going to pull 1-2 (haven’t quite decided how many) pieces of paper, those books will be bought, and then they go into the left jar to join the others on my shelf needing to be read.
I decided to go this route not only to help me read through the books I own, but to also help me regulate my book-buying habit. I’ve only made two exceptions so far, and those were because I was able to purchase two of the books from the right jar at 50% off, which was too good to pass up.
So far, I’m really enjoying this idea and I hope it continues to work for me.